To my Darling Quedido, my Deepest Love ...
To my Eternal Smoldering Twin Flame
As I hear your heavy breathes escape your resting lips while quenched in the deepest of sleep I find myself in absolute awe that I not only have met the mirrored half of my very soul in another being, but that each and everyday my soul is nourished with the loving guidance, devotion, honesty, faith, trust and joy that I never knew existed beyond dreams and avatars throughout space and time that resonate with our connection so deeply that even as I write this message of love, my eternal love that overflows in abundance from centuries and endless incarnations together laughing, embraced in tears and entwined in the purest form of tantra this world has ever conceived to leave me in tears and smiles with feelings of profound gratitude and overwhelming odds that in all of the places in all of time and space, you found me not once, not twice but captured me in your arms and never let me go for the third and final reunion in this life together on Our Path as One.
I never knew in my wildest dreams that a woman like myself could or ever would find a love like yours, I heard of it in stories, and was told ancient tales of love, capture and release in transcendental bliss but never knew even in full knowledge of deserving such a sublime gift from the universe that even with the dark and painful past that still left me with such hope for finding you once more, did I ever imagine that you instead would find me...and reveal to me one of life's greatest joys and mysteries, unconditional love, just to be love and be loved in return, such simplicity often complicated by the most fearful of creatures was revealed with such passion and truth that I couldn't help but fall absolutely head over heels with you the very moment we first spoke.
Our First Year Together...
Never did I imagine when we first met on that cold, stormy spring evening on Friday the 13th, as a late birthday present to myself, and a vow to pleasure instead of personal pain to enjoy yourself and to give yourself over to passion completely in spite of a broken heart we found ourselves in each other's arms, the moment I realized I was driving towards you, I couldn't explain how that moment I felt that I finally entered the right universe the one I accidentally time traveled out of years ago at sixth grade camp where we met for the second time in this life, that I knew in that moment beyond the anxiety of meeting somebody new, and wondering if I even found where it is that you even lived, in those moments and seconds to finding you in person I felt an overwhelming push in the right dimensional direction. As I lost my way by a mere street over, too overwhelmed thinking about you and feeling your powerful energy radiating even stronger than before and a few blocks away from where you were, I found myself hearing your voicemail and feeling the instant realization that I very much knew who you were already, and remembered your energy from a time so far and long ago that it almost felt like a dream that we were ever apart this long in the first place.
That radiant smile of yours melted my courage and strength to stand on my own two feet, but fortunately you approached in strong, ridiculously sexy stride to sweep me off my feet literally catching me with the words "Hello Beautiful, where have you been all my life?" the moment your embrace captured me in your strong arms I realized that I was home, never have I felt such a powerful realization of who and where I was always supposed to be, it felt so naive and so female in spirit, to instantly find adoration and worship for a man seems like that of a girl in middle school still practicing and trying to find out what love truly means, but when our eyes met, and your kiss lit a fire in my soul that has never stopped burning since I knew that I'd do whatever it took just to know you as a person, much less be the object of your affections and your only desire in the world of true love.
Our carnal passions were met with late night rendezvous and afternoon escapades that quenched my soul, my body and mind in ways I never knew were capable and shared between two people. Each time we met we revealed more of ourselves in honesty, from the broken hearts to the survival of terminal illnesses to every facet of philosophy, history, religion and metaphysics, I remember the moment you fell in love with me those early nights and I'll never forget that overwhelming feeling of being someone's complete desire and never wanting that connection or that world we created together to end. As you held my face tenderly while I was perched on my knees in the nude after a long night of true earth shattering, mind melding tantric union, we spoke of the divine and rapacious red head in history, religion, lore and myth and as we met eyes I felt and heard what your mind beckoned me to know "What is her name?" "Lilith" I smiled in response glowing with delight that we were already so bonded as One in ways and experiences that I've never had with anybody else, not even in the most sacred of entheogen healing quests have I felt or experienced a fraction of what we share telepathically, psychically, emotionally and physically on subtle and deep levels that I still to the day have profound difficulty conveying to others to understand.
The light in your eyes behind the darkness and pain of the sorrow of losing loved ones and having your true and undying love be used and tossed aside from girls who pretended to be women, instantly ignited into a fire and passion that still to this day burns bright and endlessly. From those nights that turned into days that turned into weeks and months growing gardens together, healing together, and just being there for one another, as the best of friends and the most loving and open of lovers we fell into a world all our own, created a life that neither one of us knew could ever exist for either of us with our libertine, wild and free loving ways and yet this wasn't desired, or expected but somehow felt and still is better and the most quenching experience in love that I know either of us will or have ever experienced.
We challenged each other by giving endlessly to each other without expectation and yet both of our buckets were always full, always overflowing with endless abundance, health, happiness and most of all unconditional love. We hit our hard times in the beginning trying to figure out if two people who met in open relationships could actually settle down with one another and reveal ourselves purely, completely and without fault or judgement to truly grasp and enjoy what it is just to be and to be accepted and appreciated by another human being. We fell deeper in love and closer together and even moved mountains, oceans and swam through hurricanes just to be near one another, each action of strife riddled life chaos that amounted to sharing time and space together as One continued to fuel both our fires and forge two paths as One, like the beat of two hearts in sequence, like two beings breathing as One we immersed ourselves in each other, in the darkness, in the light, in the pain, and sorrow, in the mistakes, and inactions and the moments of accidents that arise in human nature and being unsure as to how to define what love is when one has never known what it was before. and as we continued into the next chapter and year of our life together we struggled to leave our old skins behind without feeling badly towards ourselves, but fortunately both of us are the same in so many regards that if others were they'd feel that divine love that is so effortlessly shared between us, we always worry about how we personally affects the other for better and worse, to know that we've possibly even harmed one another instantly causes both our souls to unite as One to ensure the other is loved and the soul is nurtured and healed completely and that ego and points of view are absolutely ridiculous if the one we love is hurt in anyway. This endless intrinsic healing is what's inspired us to keep going where so many others want to give up and let go, the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, as we both know as gardeners, the grass is only green where we water it and the greatest competition in life is always loving in ways that you have shown me and in turn loving me in return in ways you've absorbed from me, and endlessly our garden grows and so do we, stronger and together as One.
Our Second Year Together...
This year was filled with the darkness that permeated through healing from such deep seeded trauma left behind by those that left us for ruined, broken and even dead, to watch the barren earth purify itself to facilitate growth in ways we both never dreamed were possible. From opening up about relationships, exes of both genders for myself and for you just the women that plagued your mind and haunted your heart and soul, we found the courage to face our inner demons, to face the wounds and deep scars that these creatures of base chakras left in the wake of their own chaos, using the light source like moths to a flame, to eventually fly away and burn out in self-destructive and psychotic hazes we found how truly impressionable the physical soul is for both of ours ached in pain from what was left behind.
As the light peered through to herald celebrations after a long arduous fear of losing each other while waiting for my life saving operation, we found our love tested to the brink with naysayers and leeches that desired to suck the life, love and light of what we shared even in our darkest hours in jealousy, spite and bitter envy. For most during such a life threatening time could find endless reasons and ways to separate and to shut out the light of love to choose darkness, anger, pain and suffering instead of following the road of love through from start to finish together as One with Twin Flame souls mirroring each other's progress and actions every step of the way. Not a moment had you faltered even expressing that if keeping this rare chance at having a child would make my soul happy that you yourself would sacrifice dreams and fear of losing me to ensure that we both were loved, taken care of and accepted unconditionally throughout our lives together.
I've never been shown such love in such times of darkness and I never knew just how much you were capable of love in ever facet until those words spilled forth from your lips, alas it was not meant to be and I am more than happy to be here alive, healthy and in your loving unconditional embrace forevermore, no amount of fear, pain, trauma or sadness from childhood nor the hardships of evil and selfish people trying to shake our grounds in our harshest time together while we waited those months alone together in silence waiting for the appointment that would save my life and finally at long last allow you my darling to breathe and sleep in comfort as you do this very moment.
If every woman was given the profound and incredible gift of love that you have bestowed upon me every single moment we have spent together or apart this world and all it's trouble's would be healed overnight, or at the very least in merely three years as I feel like an entirely different, stronger, better and move self-loving woman than I ever have before and I know without a shadow of doubt that you are by far the biggest influence and inspiration for living a life well lived, in good health, happiness and most of all with an abundance of love. I am grateful every day to know you and to share such a life with you, and to know that whenever my eyes grow heavy that your beating heart waits for me to rest my head on your chest to hear it beat until I fall asleep deeply in your arms in but one of my life's greatest joys.
You have quenched so many parts of a soul that was so abused, neglected and left out to die that even I didn't realize just how badly my life had gotten and what torment I had learned to acclimate too until every bit of it was removed from my life and I felt what it means to fly on the wings of love. You've given me a voice, a podium and a pair of phoenix feather wings since the moment we've met, you've always been my Hero and I will always be your dream girl come true. Even in the midst of madness, chaos, life's most traumatic experiences and lessons, You have always been there never once have you faltered never once have you swayed in your ideals of what we share, all you've ever done is Love.
As we Arrive at Year Three...
Until the day it is published and my work and our love story is shared with the entire cosmos I hope that this poem that I've sent to you on handcrafted Valentine's and wrapped in cards with the closest comparative of how my soul truly feels towards you is this poem of Twin Flames:
In a world where all seems lost and untrue,
Two beings sailing adrift, separate and alone,
Calling upon the powers of Spirit’s good grace
To embody a Connection of True Intimacy,
Found in unlikely places their Intrinsic Soul,
Where Fate emerged from its long hiding place
And woke a Twin Flame by their Inner Identity.
A simple Glance upon a lone picture’s smile,
A few words read upon the ether’s profile,
And all the Heavens opened with a descending Flood,
Washing over their Hearts with a Moment’s Touch,
Igniting a Fusion between familiar strangers,
Awakening the Bliss of a shared Destiny
Where space and distance were no obstacles
To a mutual Discovery bound in Eternity’s Love:
A Yearning across ages seemed to be fulfilled,
Uniting two who were yet always the same One.
A long awaited reconciliation was upon their Soul:
His presence, a shining Light for her uneasy days,
Her Laughter, a Dance of Joy for his lonely Heart,
Her Eyes, an endless Ocean for him to merge within,
Her Love, the compass of his Soul’s exploration.
Through shadows and sufferings born of fear,
The two now One discovered strength to Soar,
Separate paths now Interwoven and joined ever more,
A new Journey gazing into the Future’s Unknown,
A twin Phoenix arising from adventures long past,
Flaming together towards the Dawn of One Soul.
and I hope that this album begins to express the complete and utter joy that my soul constantly possesses from the abundance of love that you effortlessly provide, like the very beating of my own heart, in perfect rhythmic pace as yours. I am so profoundly fulfilled to share a world and life with you my darling, here's to 3 of the most glorious years that I've ever fathomed possible, and here's to at least 3,000 more in your loving arms and strong supportive embrace. When a woman has the love of a good man, she moves the world to dance and her dreams no matter how impossible find ways to prove the whole world wrong by manifesting into the dream come true of sharing my life with You.
Eternally Your Twin Flame Incarnate,